Holiday Road Trip Survival Tips From a Father of Seven - Jeff Hurt has survived enough family road trips with seven children to learn a few things: fill every seat, limit the menu, carry cash, travel at night and never underestimate the destructive potential of an unsupervised child.
My wife’s family is pretty close-knit, looking out for one another, caring, nurturing. I picture family trips with them were similar to a group of kids on their way to camp, singing fun songs, playing games, and telling jokes. My family is more loyal than what you would call close. Our family trips were more like being on the road with a bunch of carnies, where sing-alongs were usually interrupted by slap fights and profanity.
Mixed together, my wife and I’s trips with our children play out like there were created by National Lampoon. As a father of seven children and ultimate keeper of the chaos, there are a few things I’ve learned about road tripping through This World of Hurt.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind while traveling this Holiday Season.
Pack them in.
When traveling with children, it works best when you leave no vacant seats. It doesn't matter what you fill them with, every seat in the vehicle needs to be occupied by someone or something.
Pack a kid in every seat if you can. Remember, for some vacations, you can borrow kids from friends and neighbors to fill up empty seats. I promise you: the additional money you spend taking an extra kid along will be worth it to avoid the chaos that an empty seat can create.
The length of time it takes before war breaks out varies, but sooner or later, someone is going to want to expand boundaries and will look to the empty seat as unclaimed territory. Hours could be spent traveling down the road before disputes erupt, or there could be knocked down, drag out fight a split second after the first person yells, "Shotgun."
Either way, the outcome is the same, and one should work diligently to avoid such situations.
Think of the expanse of your car's interior like the blank canvas of a masterpiece. Every square inch should be coated with paint, if only to depict rock or tree. So fill that empty seat with your kids, the neighbors’ kids, great aunt Mildred, an ice chest, or snacks because you may have painted the Mona Lisa, but if you left a blank spot of canvas, you are going to have a three-year-old pick up a brush and paint a nice, fuzzy kitten in the bottom corner of your masterpiece.
It’s just better to plug all the holes.
Limit choices.
Passengers will eventually get a hunger pretzels won’t fix. Unless you were able to fill a vacant seat or empty cargo space with a cooler full of food, there will be a food stop in your future.
Going in is sometimes easier, but it’s almost always more time-consuming. Keeping kids confined to the car is better, but trying to place a half-dozen or more individual orders at a drive-up window is a mind-altering experience.
Not to mention the logistical issues of larger vehicles. The person seated in the back can’t even see the menu, which leads to a crude grapevine forming to relay information from back to front.
“Does a number three come with bacon?”
“She wants to know if a number three comes with bacon.”
“Hold on... Does a number three come with bacon?”
... “No.”
“No.”
... “Well, can they put bacon on it?”
“She wants to know if they can put bacon on it.”
Try doing that six or seven times. It’s easier to pull up to the window and ask for two-dozen tacos.
Two choices: Tacos or pretzels.
Nevertheless, you may find yourself in a situation where stopping to go in is unavoidable.
Prepare for a quick getaway.
When you travel long distances, unless your vehicle comes equipped with its own bathroom facilities potty-breaks are essential parts of the trip. Much of the time they can be scheduled with refueling stops, but if you’re traveling with children, that would be doubtful.
But if children are a factor in your travel formula, you have other potential problems to think about, how big depends on how many seats you’ve packed with kids.
At some point, you have to allow a group of kids to interact with the general public in unfamiliar surroundings. The youthful energy excreted by adolescents is a dangerous and unpredictable chemical component all by itself. Bottle it up for a few hours, and turn it loose, and who knows?
Usually, The devastation will fall somewhere between mild obnoxious behavior and the dispatching of fire trucks. Regardless of the extent, you need to carry cash.
When somebody lunges from the concealment of a clothing rack, terrifying the victim, who ninja kicks them into a display case that tips over, crashes through an aquarium, spilling dozens of goldfish and gallons of water into the arcade room, which knocks out the power and ultimately leads to a grease fire in the kitchen, the last thing you need be doing is waiting for your card to be authorized.
You need to be able to slap forty bucks on the counter and say, “keep the change.”
However, a great deal of this can be avoided if the kids are unconscious.
Travel at night.
Children look so cute and peaceful when they sleep. Keep them that way. You don’t have to feed them, they rarely have to stop for the restroom, and never argue—as long as they stay asleep. Hit the road about 9:00 p.m., and you stand a better chance of making it to just about anywhere before they wake up.
However, in order to do this safely, you need a good travel buddy. You need someone to talk to, and it works best if they can also drive.
I have written before about my lack of directional skills. I can only tell you which way is north if the sun is up... and I’m holding a compass. Conversely, my wife knows exactly where we are and how to get to where we are going, but with giving vague and subtle hand gestures and using made up directions like “thataway,” she has no ability how to tell me how to get there.
But what she lacks in the ability to provide comprehensive directions, she more than makes up for as a travel buddy.
She has no problem taking the wheel and letting me get some shut-eye early on, and when it’s my turn to drive, she refuses to sleep. Instead, she chooses to stay awake and keep me company.
I am a night owl by nature. So naturally, I will do most of the late night driving. My wife is a worrier, so naturally, she rides shotgun believing her ability to stay awake is the only thing keeping the car attached to the pavement.
It works out well, and we’re a good team
So keep these tips in mind as you prepare to hit the road for the holidays. Drive safe and Godspeed. I wish you season’s greetings and a very, Merry Christmas from This World of Hurt.