Not being one to typically shy away from talking about the elephant in the room and keeping true to what seems to be my inherent nature, I have to ask: Is anybody else tired of watching the Fisher County Commissioners self-destruct on a regularly scheduled live monthly broadcast?
From time to time the emotional pendulum swinging between my heart and mind while writing articles about people's achievements or touching story of a community’s enduring spirit while almost simultaneously covering those about that same community’s failures, tragedies, crimes, and deaths, causes me sometimes yearn for the clarity of being challenged with simply writing the next best-selling spy novel.
Then the second Monday of each month rolls around, and the next episode of the popular reality show called Fisher County Commissioners Court is filmed live before a studio audience. It dashes my hopes of becoming a best-selling author because there is no way I could make up something like this show.
Rumor has it, the program was originally titled Duplicity but was later named after the county court the show revolves around instead, and duplicity just became the show’s theme. This crazy cast of mix-matched characters creates one zany situation after another, flip-flopping arguments and almost always disagreeing with one another, spending seemingly endless amounts of money, reportedly getting very little work done but looking incredibly busy doing it.
Once a year the full cast goes into a series of dramatic episodes called “the budget cycle,” where commissioners usually point fingers and pick fights with the rest of the elected officials because the court of five holds the county’s purse strings. Last cycle, the big talk was about time clocks, later developing into a discussion about other timekeeping methods, which ended up focusing on GPS systems.
In August, the four commissioners: Elrod, Martin, Pippin, and Stuart were excited about GPS, but it later turned out to be their kryptonite when the show’s antagonist, county auditor Becky Mauldin, launched an evil master plan to install GPS systems on all the commissioners’ toys, especially after some got stolen and others got misplaced.
Now there are many theories amongst viewers as to why the commissioners are so afraid of GPS, as they always have some scheme to get out of it, only to have their plan thwarted at the last minute. My theory on their apprehension can be summed up in two simple words: “public record.”
Per the state, public information is anything written, produced, collected, assembled, etc. in connection with the transaction of official government business. And since GPS records are collected, they are a matter of public record. This means any of the roughly 2,700 registered voters can soon see for themselves how often those road graders are in motion.
Lots of information in the public record. Like Stuart’s recent purchase of a 2021 Chevrolet Silverado for $41,000 — a decision publicly contested by a fellow commissioner and at least one member of Stuart's own constituency. Other public records include the purchase order — another form of kryptonite — Stuart filed less than 24 hours later to spend an additional $4,500 to have an Abilene company “Pimp that Ride” with a new bumper, seat covers, and rhino lining.
These are only a few in a series of questionable purchases that earned the court’s approval since failing to agree on a final budget, which resulted in a tiebreaker vote in September.
Including Commissioner Martin’s backhoe purchase — not the $10,100 backhoe he unintentionally sold to himself while attempting to drive up the auction price, the one he purchased for $112,000 in March to replace it — the commissioners have over $725,000 worth of updated equipment on the roads today.
While I'm usually not a fan of reality TV, I must admit the characters in this melodrama are compelling, and I'm conflicted about whom to root for. With the next budget cycle starting only a few weeks from now, tensions will probably continue to escalate, at least until voters have a chance to select new cast members in November 2022.